We took the midday train going anywhere and arrived at Edinburgh one solid hour later. Our hostel is thankfully 100 metres or so from the train station, so we didn’t have to drag our luggage too far. At first glance, the city is totally different to Glasgow. They’re scummy and old school looking, with stone roads generating some eerie Jack the Ripper-esque backdrops. Unlike Glasgow, there isn’t a pub on every corner, so every single one is full at around 7:30pm. More on that later.
When we got in to Edinburgh we thought we’d look around a little bit. We checked out the Museum and saw Dolly the cloned sheep. It raised some interesting philosophical questions that we certainly won’t go into here. We also saw Jackie Stewart’s vehicle, and tested our own skills in a virtual f1 car. Surprisingly, Zach crashed on every corner – much the Loch Ness Monster’s enjoyment (who was featured in the map). We also found out the fundamental secrets of Scottish castle wall building. Bricks made out of foam are not sufficient for defending incoming catapults. We soon learned this after we experienced the model catapult and castle wall in the children’s play area of the museum.
After laughing at a famous Scottish sportsman named Willie Wood, we decided to walk to the Scottish parliament building. It was built with bamboo sticks all around the outside, and looked as if a Panda would be quite at home outside its semi-guarded walls (there were two police officers standing outside not even looking at the building). We saw a mountain in the distance and thought hell...let’s climb it. So we climbed the freaking mountain. What up? When we got to the top, it gave us a superb view of the entire city. It seemed like a great place to have a picnic as well, except for the hanging rocks. That would have been quite dangerous.
As we returned down the mountain, we thought look for some souvenirs for people. When we entered the stores, we were greeted by some genuine, authentic Scottish people. By the way, I never realised so many Scottish people were of Indian descent and wore turbans. Well, that goes to show how much I know about Scottish history huh?
Anyway, we looked to indulge in a feed, so we walked up Cockburn St and saw, much to our dismay that all the pubs were full, and the food was extremely expensive. So we went back to our hostel and had dinner in the pub downstairs, while we watched Egypt destroy Algeria in the football. The Algerian keeper, who had a blue streak on the side of his neck (I think he was trying to copy off Avatar: The Last Airbender, but got it all totally wrong) got sent from the ground along with two other Algerian players, so Egypt just casually made their way up the middle of the ground without too much trouble. Then the pub started getting really packed with boisterous Australians taking part in a pub crawl. The only people who don’t drink beer here seem to be the Australians (other than us) who seem to only drink rum and coke. Ironic isn’t it, seeing most people consider our tradition as kicking back and having a cold one, huh? We don’t even really have the pint in Australia. I think it’s safe to say that we need to make way for the true champions of drinking...everyone else.
Anyway, we watched some of the match between Andy Murray and some other guy. Andy Murray was getting smashed so we left. Turns out the Scottish bastard won the match. I still, to this day, don’t know how he managed to get off Scot-free.
Part Two
We awoke at 8:00am this morning and headed downstairs for breakfast. It was the first (and possibly only, but you never know) time that I have ever eaten breakfast in a bar. The bar (Belushi’s, on Market Street) is owned and co-operated within the Hostel building, so in addition to getting a 10% discount there (w00t) we also are provided with “free” breakfast down there. I say free, but I’m pretty sure the cost is included in what we pay for the hostel.
I realised this morning we’re living across from where the Head Office of the Edinburgh Military Tattoo is. There you go.
We walked up Cockburn to outside Starbucks on the Royal Mile (I think that’s what it’s called) to await our free tour of the city which was to last for three hours. It was incredibly cold today – I’m not sure of the exact temperature, but it was the coldest that Matt and I have been all trip (we voted). It was so cold that it STARTED SNOWING. OH YEAH. It only snowed for like five minutes, but it was unexpected and very welcome. Snow is a beautiful thing, and if I was God, I would make it snow in Brisbane in winter. Luckily for everybody else, I am not God. But anyway, it was ridiculously cold, my toes felt like they were going to snap off on multiple occasions and at regular five minute intervals, Matt would announce to me that he was cold, or any combination of the words “Jesus”, “Cold”, “Coldest”, “I”, “Am”, “Freezing”, or “Bollocks”. And though I was thinking and sometimes saying the same things, I was, and am, loving it. I much prefer freezing than living in my own sweat.
Our tour guide’s name was Kate, and she is Canadian, although annoyingly would refer to herself all day as being Scottish. She’s been here for five years, and sounds no more Scottish than Warwick Kappa. And whenever she gave us an interesting piece of history about the Scottish people, such as when they won a battle against the English, she put herself into the battle by saying “Then WE took the Castle back from the English, and WE celebrated by burning it down”. It annoyed me to no end. “DID YOU NOW, KATE? WAS THIS BEFORE OR AFTER YOU GOT YOUR WORKING VISA CLEARED BY THE CANADIAN HIGH COMMISSION IN 2004?” It’s one thing for a Scottish person to claim themselves victorious over the English; it’s entirely another for someone with little beady eyes and a stupid flapping head. Ah well, gave me something to laugh “aboot”.
We stopped at St Giles Cathedral (I think that’s what it’s called), which has the Chapel of the Thistle built into it – the place where new Knights of the Order of the Thistle are knighted by the Queen. Sean Connery was knighted there! Second greatest Bond ever, after Roger Moore (we voted). We looked at a couple of statues, got a glimpse of Edinburgh Castle, and headed down to the Grass Markets, where many Covenanters were hung for refusing to accept an English king as head of the Church of Scotland.
We then went to a church at Blackfriar’s. Some of you may be aware this is the final resting place of Blackfriar’s Bobby – the dog who, after the passing of his master, the Church night watchman, stayed fourteen years beside his grave. There’s a small statue (the most photographed in Scotland) outside the graveyard, with Bobby on top of a drinking fountain for humans, and a smaller fountain for doggies at the bottom.
Just outside of the graveyard is the something Elephant cafe, where a formerly poor J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter (Philosopher’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets). Now, she’s worth over one billion pounds. Not bad for a struggling writer who could only afford one cup of tea a day. The Cafe proudly displays itself as the “Home of Harry Potter”.
We next headed to a Close where the guy who wrote the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lived. I don’t know why transforming into Mr. Hyde caused him to lose his PhD, but there you go. An unanswered question.
The last place we visited was on a bridge overlooking the North Face of Edinburgh Castle, where Kate went into furious and energetic detail about the Stone of Destiny, the stone which the ancient kings of Scotland were crowned on for hundreds of years. It, along with the crown jewels, now resides in Edinburgh Castle. The stone means a lot to the Scottish people though, it’s said wherever the stone lies, a Scotsman will rule. It spent 700 years in Westminster Abbey though, so I guess they were wrong? In the 1950’s it was stolen back by Ian Hamilton (I think that’s what his name was), who drove to Westminster with a couple of mates and dragged it out, and threw it in the back of his Ford Anglia. He brought it back to Glasgow and dumped it at a Church, but the Minister phoned the authorities and it was back in London within 24 hours. It was only recovered from the British in the 1997 general election campaign of John Major & Tony Blair. Funnily enough, it was John Major who pledged to return the stone, and he got his ass handed to him (one COULD say majorly - Matt) Probably because Tony Blair was pledging to give Scotland its own Parliament and people wanted that more. In any case, they got the stone back too.
We tipped Kate, and then headed to the National Gallery of Scotland, where we saw some more works by artists such as Rembrandt, Raphael, and da Vinci. Those guys really knew how to paint, hey. Amazing. It’s an ethereal feeling, standing next to works of art created by these men of myth and legend.
As this was our last full day in the United Kingdom on our trip (sad face), something had become quite urgent for Matt and me. (And yes, that is correct grammar for all of those haters out there who think that “Matt and me” looks wrong. Ask your English teacher). We’ve both been collecting the 2008 commemorative shield coins that the British have been printing. But we were missing some, and it’s our last day in the UK so we really wanted to finish our collections (the coins were 1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p, 50p, and 1 pound – for what this looks like, wiki Coins of the Pound Sterling in the UK). I was missing 50p and 5p, and Matt was missing both of these and the 10p. We went to five different banks, all of whom recommended another bank after they disappointed us by not having the coins. You’d think a bank would have some coins, but this is the UK so you’re lucky they have staff. It came down to it, some of the banks had a couple of the coins, but in the end we were both missing the (supposedly rare) 50p coin.
We decided to ask the bar maiden at the pub downstairs (Belushi’s). She went through the coin drawer and found TWO 50P COINS! FUCK YEAH! COMPLETED SHIELDS ANYONE?
So that made us happy. We’re about to head out for dinner and a few beers, so hope you’re well. Amstel - a new discovery of ours last night – very tasty beer. Next time you hear from us, we’ll be in Paris. Very bon!
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