EdinBRRRR

Hey everyone! Again this is a two parter as we have to come down to the pub in our hostel to use the interwebs. So the first part is written by Matt and the second part is written by Zach. The transition between these two days will be clearly marked for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

We took the midday train going anywhere and arrived at Edinburgh one solid hour later. Our hostel is thankfully 100 metres or so from the train station, so we didn’t have to drag our luggage too far. At first glance, the city is totally different to Glasgow. They’re scummy and old school looking, with stone roads generating some eerie Jack the Ripper-esque backdrops. Unlike Glasgow, there isn’t a pub on every corner, so every single one is full at around 7:30pm. More on that later.

When we got in to Edinburgh we thought we’d look around a little bit. We checked out the Museum and saw Dolly the cloned sheep. It raised some interesting philosophical questions that we certainly won’t go into here. We also saw Jackie Stewart’s vehicle, and tested our own skills in a virtual f1 car. Surprisingly, Zach crashed on every corner – much the Loch Ness Monster’s enjoyment (who was featured in the map). We also found out the fundamental secrets of Scottish castle wall building. Bricks made out of foam are not sufficient for defending incoming catapults. We soon learned this after we experienced the model catapult and castle wall in the children’s play area of the museum.

After laughing at a famous Scottish sportsman named Willie Wood, we decided to walk to the Scottish parliament building. It was built with bamboo sticks all around the outside, and looked as if a Panda would be quite at home outside its semi-guarded walls (there were two police officers standing outside not even looking at the building). We saw a mountain in the distance and thought hell...let’s climb it. So we climbed the freaking mountain. What up? When we got to the top, it gave us a superb view of the entire city. It seemed like a great place to have a picnic as well, except for the hanging rocks. That would have been quite dangerous.

As we returned down the mountain, we thought look for some souvenirs for people. When we entered the stores, we were greeted by some genuine, authentic Scottish people. By the way, I never realised so many Scottish people were of Indian descent and wore turbans. Well, that goes to show how much I know about Scottish history huh?

Anyway, we looked to indulge in a feed, so we walked up Cockburn St and saw, much to our dismay that all the pubs were full, and the food was extremely expensive. So we went back to our hostel and had dinner in the pub downstairs, while we watched Egypt destroy Algeria in the football. The Algerian keeper, who had a blue streak on the side of his neck (I think he was trying to copy off Avatar: The Last Airbender, but got it all totally wrong) got sent from the ground along with two other Algerian players, so Egypt just casually made their way up the middle of the ground without too much trouble. Then the pub started getting really packed with boisterous Australians taking part in a pub crawl. The only people who don’t drink beer here seem to be the Australians (other than us) who seem to only drink rum and coke. Ironic isn’t it, seeing most people consider our tradition as kicking back and having a cold one, huh? We don’t even really have the pint in Australia. I think it’s safe to say that we need to make way for the true champions of drinking...everyone else.

Anyway, we watched some of the match between Andy Murray and some other guy. Andy Murray was getting smashed so we left. Turns out the Scottish bastard won the match. I still, to this day, don’t know how he managed to get off Scot-free.

Part Two

We awoke at 8:00am this morning and headed downstairs for breakfast. It was the first (and possibly only, but you never know) time that I have ever eaten breakfast in a bar. The bar (Belushi’s, on Market Street) is owned and co-operated within the Hostel building, so in addition to getting a 10% discount there (w00t) we also are provided with “free” breakfast down there. I say free, but I’m pretty sure the cost is included in what we pay for the hostel.

I realised this morning we’re living across from where the Head Office of the Edinburgh Military Tattoo is. There you go.

We walked up Cockburn to outside Starbucks on the Royal Mile (I think that’s what it’s called) to await our free tour of the city which was to last for three hours. It was incredibly cold today – I’m not sure of the exact temperature, but it was the coldest that Matt and I have been all trip (we voted). It was so cold that it STARTED SNOWING. OH YEAH. It only snowed for like five minutes, but it was unexpected and very welcome. Snow is a beautiful thing, and if I was God, I would make it snow in Brisbane in winter. Luckily for everybody else, I am not God. But anyway, it was ridiculously cold, my toes felt like they were going to snap off on multiple occasions and at regular five minute intervals, Matt would announce to me that he was cold, or any combination of the words “Jesus”, “Cold”, “Coldest”, “I”, “Am”, “Freezing”, or “Bollocks”. And though I was thinking and sometimes saying the same things, I was, and am, loving it. I much prefer freezing than living in my own sweat.

Our tour guide’s name was Kate, and she is Canadian, although annoyingly would refer to herself all day as being Scottish. She’s been here for five years, and sounds no more Scottish than Warwick Kappa. And whenever she gave us an interesting piece of history about the Scottish people, such as when they won a battle against the English, she put herself into the battle by saying “Then WE took the Castle back from the English, and WE celebrated by burning it down”. It annoyed me to no end. “DID YOU NOW, KATE? WAS THIS BEFORE OR AFTER YOU GOT YOUR WORKING VISA CLEARED BY THE CANADIAN HIGH COMMISSION IN 2004?” It’s one thing for a Scottish person to claim themselves victorious over the English; it’s entirely another for someone with little beady eyes and a stupid flapping head. Ah well, gave me something to laugh “aboot”.

We stopped at St Giles Cathedral (I think that’s what it’s called), which has the Chapel of the Thistle built into it – the place where new Knights of the Order of the Thistle are knighted by the Queen. Sean Connery was knighted there! Second greatest Bond ever, after Roger Moore (we voted). We looked at a couple of statues, got a glimpse of Edinburgh Castle, and headed down to the Grass Markets, where many Covenanters were hung for refusing to accept an English king as head of the Church of Scotland.

We then went to a church at Blackfriar’s. Some of you may be aware this is the final resting place of Blackfriar’s Bobby – the dog who, after the passing of his master, the Church night watchman, stayed fourteen years beside his grave. There’s a small statue (the most photographed in Scotland) outside the graveyard, with Bobby on top of a drinking fountain for humans, and a smaller fountain for doggies at the bottom.

Just outside of the graveyard is the something Elephant cafe, where a formerly poor J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter (Philosopher’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets). Now, she’s worth over one billion pounds. Not bad for a struggling writer who could only afford one cup of tea a day. The Cafe proudly displays itself as the “Home of Harry Potter”.

We next headed to a Close where the guy who wrote the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lived. I don’t know why transforming into Mr. Hyde caused him to lose his PhD, but there you go. An unanswered question.

The last place we visited was on a bridge overlooking the North Face of Edinburgh Castle, where Kate went into furious and energetic detail about the Stone of Destiny, the stone which the ancient kings of Scotland were crowned on for hundreds of years. It, along with the crown jewels, now resides in Edinburgh Castle. The stone means a lot to the Scottish people though, it’s said wherever the stone lies, a Scotsman will rule. It spent 700 years in Westminster Abbey though, so I guess they were wrong? In the 1950’s it was stolen back by Ian Hamilton (I think that’s what his name was), who drove to Westminster with a couple of mates and dragged it out, and threw it in the back of his Ford Anglia. He brought it back to Glasgow and dumped it at a Church, but the Minister phoned the authorities and it was back in London within 24 hours. It was only recovered from the British in the 1997 general election campaign of John Major & Tony Blair. Funnily enough, it was John Major who pledged to return the stone, and he got his ass handed to him (one COULD say majorly - Matt) Probably because Tony Blair was pledging to give Scotland its own Parliament and people wanted that more. In any case, they got the stone back too.

We tipped Kate, and then headed to the National Gallery of Scotland, where we saw some more works by artists such as Rembrandt, Raphael, and da Vinci. Those guys really knew how to paint, hey. Amazing. It’s an ethereal feeling, standing next to works of art created by these men of myth and legend.

As this was our last full day in the United Kingdom on our trip (sad face), something had become quite urgent for Matt and me. (And yes, that is correct grammar for all of those haters out there who think that “Matt and me” looks wrong. Ask your English teacher). We’ve both been collecting the 2008 commemorative shield coins that the British have been printing. But we were missing some, and it’s our last day in the UK so we really wanted to finish our collections (the coins were 1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p, 50p, and 1 pound – for what this looks like, wiki Coins of the Pound Sterling in the UK). I was missing 50p and 5p, and Matt was missing both of these and the 10p. We went to five different banks, all of whom recommended another bank after they disappointed us by not having the coins. You’d think a bank would have some coins, but this is the UK so you’re lucky they have staff. It came down to it, some of the banks had a couple of the coins, but in the end we were both missing the (supposedly rare) 50p coin.

We decided to ask the bar maiden at the pub downstairs (Belushi’s). She went through the coin drawer and found TWO 50P COINS! FUCK YEAH! COMPLETED SHIELDS ANYONE?

So that made us happy. We’re about to head out for dinner and a few beers, so hope you’re well. Amstel - a new discovery of ours last night – very tasty beer. Next time you hear from us, we’ll be in Paris. Very bon!

Glasgow: Day 1 + Day 2 - Loch & Load

The following is a combined blog written by Matt Bate (part one) and Zach Raftery (part two).

Part One: Glasgow Day 1.

I awoke this morning from what was a horrible nightmare. I dreamt that we were still in Belfast and had to stay there for the remainder of the trip because we had our passports stolen. Thankfully it was only a dream, and we were in Glasgow now, and everything was going to be ok.

We got our breakfast from level one of the hostel – the usual cereal and stuff. But what was really cool was that SOMEONE ACTUALLY CLEANED UP OUR BOWLS. We were surprised. We had our own lunch lady. Lunch lady Doris I’ll call her. Anyway Doris was fat and had cigarette breath that wilted any flowers within a 3 kilometre radius. After we had breakfast we walked around the brilliant city, taking our guidance from Lonely Planet’s ‘Glasgow Walking Tour.’ It led us to Glasgow cathedral where we stopped in to look around. We didn’t originally know which one it was because there were about 4 different cathedrals in sight when we came up the road, and then when we crossed the road, another came into view. It was the most gothic looking church, so we assumed it must have been it.

Inside was...well it was just like another cathedral. Except this time, we could take pictures. After walking around the cathedral, Zach threw them a 1p donation for its continuation and maintenance. How generous of him. Then we set out to look at the Necropolis out the back of the cathedral. The necropolis is this towering big hill with a hell of a lot of gravestones, crypts and tombs on it. Most of the crypts were family owned ones, and Zach found it chilling that if he were to have a family crypt, he would know where he was going to end up when he died. It also housed a lot of rich dead people. Astonishingly though, they don’t bury anyone who lives within a five mile radius of the necropolis. The reason for this though, is that they are still alive. Ha. We found a gravestone of a person near the edge of the elevated ground, overlooking the rest of the city and discussed that at the time of his burial, pointed out that he would have had a brilliant view of the city. Problem now is that there’s a big building in the way. This man probably suffered his entire life as an orphan child, working in the coal mines and had all sorts of problems and, at the time of his death was offered a great view of the city. He’d be raging now though.

Anyway, back to the point. We stopped off for lunch and took a walk around the main shopping part of town. It’s a city that sort of reminds me of a larger Brisbane / Sydney, only with more bagpipes playing in the streets. Anyway, this shopping centre was very small – about 11/39ths the size of the Myer Centre back home in Brisbane, and everything in it catered to the typical female needs. We exited, unsatisfied and continued to walk around the streets and over the Clyde River, whilst taking several photographs.

We returned to the hostel and had a beer at the pub downstairs – I plan to have a Fosters or something Australian that doesn’t suck later on to show my Australia day patriotism (it’s 6:15pm at the moment on Australia Day). Who knows, maybe I’ll enjoy it?

Part Two

This is the second part of a combined blog that Matt and I decided to post together because it was incredibly inconvenient to have to head down to the bar to post the first blog (which Matt wrote) after he had written it, because, well, we were tired. So deal with it. Then I didn’t start typing THIS blog until the morning after the first day’s events. So the first part, which you have just read, written by Matt, is about the events of the 26^th of January, our first day in Glasgow (as you may have picked up from reading it). And this second part is written by me, about the events of yesterday, the 27^th of January, and our day at Loch Ness, Glencoe and the Highlands.

We started our day at 7:00am which was, for lack of a more descriptive word, dark. We both dressed and headed to the Glasgow Tourist Information Centre where our tour was to depart from. Come 8:15am (still dark), a friendly Scottish man named David Campbell (not even kidding) rocked up with a bus. His tour only was to have six people for that day – Me, and Matt (the only other native English speakers) and four Germans. He went into some brief detail about Glasgow as we drove out of town, like how important the Clyde was to the city (or used to be), and the population of Glasgow (staggering two million – I had no idea it was so big – but apparently there’s only 5 million in Scotland altogether, so we can still take ‘em).

First stop on the tour was Loch Lomond, and a little town called Luss. God damn, I just Luss the game. Anyhoo, it was quaint, he gave us half an hour to explore the town, Matt and I found a small river that led into the Loch which had the most amazingly flat stones in it – after doing some more than superb skimming for about ten minutes, I put one of the stones into my pocket to bring home (hope I can get it through the airports). The Loch itself was fog coated so we didn’t see much of it, but what we did see was pretty spectacular. Matt and I walked out onto the Pier at Luss and were soon joined by Dave, our tour guide, inquiring in thick Scottish accent as to where the “Nazi’s” went. Ah, we knew then that it was going to be a great day.

We had a couple of photo stops along the way to Loch Ness (the evidence of which you shall see when we arrive home). Scotland is very similar to New Zealand in its Highlands – just better, because it’s not covered in kiwis. I can’t remember the names of all the places we stopped because we stopped like five or six times, but some of the photos we’ve taken are pretty incredible. Snow capped and covered mountains, lakes that look like mirrors in front of said mountains, just amazing views. Drove past about seven different Lochs on this tour, I was almost Loched out. Haha, get it.

David went into detail about some of the Highlands history, like the Macdonald Massacre. Apparently the Clan Campbell decided to break Highland Hospitality in around the Three Sisters (a set of 3 huge mountain rages) and massacred about thirty or forty Macdonald’s. He then proceeded to point out his last name was Campbell, and there’s an old Scottish adage that you “Can’t trust a Campbell”, and they have “crooked” smiles. He then told us that there’s a pub near Loch Ness that has above the door “Campbell’s Not Welcome”. I told him I didn’t know if I could believe him. After all, he IS a Campbell.

We arrived at Loch Ness and Matt and I had a nice lunch at a Pub called Bothy’s before heading out on the Royal Scot to discover the Loch Ness Monster. Photographic evidence will prove conclusively, when I return home, that I saw the Loch Ness monster. Matt can confirm. I actually even caught it. I had to put it back though, apparently it generates TWENTY EIGHT MILLION POUNDS for the tiny town of Fort Augustus EVERY YEAR. The town surrounding the Loch is so small; your mother couldn’t fit inside. And it makes £28,000,000 a year. Dave said that “every country should have a monster”.

We came home via the inland route, doing many hours of driving through country Scotland and stopping at a few monuments along the way (such as the Commando monument – Churchill’s last ditch effort to produce an elite fighting force to combat the Germans in WWII, which was largely successful). It got dark quickly (around 4pm) and so much of the five hour drive home went unseen, but we did get pointed out to us Stirling Castle and the hill where William Wallace had his first and only defeat. Dave then went into detail about the truths and lies in Braveheart, which I found quite fascinating and made me want to watch the movie so badly. When I get home, this will happen.

Arriving back in Glasgow, we tipped out tour guide for a fantastic day, and started walking back to the Hostel. I asked Matt what we should have for dinner, and he said “Mickey D’s” (McDonalds – hey, good food is expensive over here, and we had a pretty good lunch). I told him I could murder some McDonalds like a Campbell. Oh, too soon?

We ate, headed back to the Osmosis bar (underneath the Hostel) to watch some of the Manchester United versus Manchester City game (a local derby almost as big as Rangers and Celtic, and definitely 100x bigger than Broncos and Titans). Man U won convincingly, much to the dismay of half of the pub. But it was hilarious to watch how into this game the patrons were. One Man City supporter came back from the toilet AFTER his team had scored a goal (and consequently after the pub had already had their uproar in joy or disgust, depending on who they supported), and decided better LATE than NEVER to celebrate – and started screaming his ASS off, lifting chairs into the air, randomly kissing people – ah, it was fantastic to watch.

Edinburgh today.